How to Eat Pan-handlers, Twains, and Askals

Finally the day has ended, now I'm on my way home, dragging my dying ego with me. Yup, I'm starting to fucking lose it...

I guess being fat is not enough to oppress my existence, apparently I have other things to be used by other people in their quest to put me in total indignation.

Oh how lucky I am to be ridiculed by people,
Mocking me with my mistakes and accidental negative events that fate brought me to complicate my life, Oooh it's really a total bliss!

And yet, can I really blame them?

Can I blame them for being insecure as well?
Can I blame them for ridiculing people, the only thing that make them ease the pain somehow?
Can I blame them for living with failures, or at least that's what people have been saying to them (Yup, it got into their minds that's why they're in a mess),
Can I blame them for showing me that my life is as messy as theirs, yet I'm the only one who is just alone, with no one to accompany me, in this chaotic world of mine?

Can I really blame them, or I can only blame myself, for they're only just a slap-in-the-face mirror, a mirror free from subtlety, politics, and etiquettes. And I am just here; self-wracking in this post,not doing anything else, though I'm aware that this will help less in getting me into places...

I guess I am what they really say; I just can't accept it...


How I wish I could have lived ages ago, at least then I could blame the gods for feeling this way, for being this way... yet now is now, no time to fool myself, there is me, and there are those people, people that help reflect my sole existence...

Yup, I would like to thank all those people who have made me realized again that I'm a fatty, a failure, and all alone in this world... for the nth time.

Damn...


SELF-WRACKING PROCESS ALMOST COMPLETE

SELF-WRACKING WILL BE OVER IN 5 seconds

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Whoah! Sarap!

... Now what?

Ze Zsa-Zsa Zaturnnah Anti- Deprezzant Pillz

What happened last night was a nice "taking-my-mind-off-the-usual-things" kind of thing, thanks to the night; it gave me time to refresh and to stop thinking about stress-stimulating things even for just a second.

CAUGHT IN THE ACT
So after my classes, Yup I was wearing a uniform, I went straight to meeting up with some of my CMT-workshop friends and went out to see Zsa-Zsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzical at the RCBC plaza auditorium last night. It was Sir Vince de Jesus, our workshop facilitator last summer, who invited us to see the play since he was playing Ada, and is also the composer and the musical director of the play (Kaya siyempre all out support ang mga gaga).

Well the play was one hell of a show, it cost my secret benefactor (In short, inutangan) 500 bucks for me to watch this play, and I'm glad the pangungutang was worth it. K Brosas who was playing Zsa-zsa was funny, the one who played Didi was hilarious (17 palang c ate at umaariba na), and the one who played Dodong was really hot. Oh I just love the lighting, and the way they maximize their one set to the different scenes. The play was a real non-stop entertainment, though it still has its downside such as the technical problems that you really can't avoid sometimes, but good thing the actors know how to adlib.

CAMP ZATURNNAH
The Zsa-zsa Zaturnnah peeps mention something about the term "camp" as the way the plot of the story wass treated. "Camp", meaning that it is shown in an exag, conciously fake and artificial, but amusing and funny way (Tama ba,? basta yun!). Infairness, I commend Zsa-zsa for their successful attempt be an entertaining campy play (Sabi nga nila, hindi daw cla Kitschy katulad ng super booba).

THE AFTER PARTY
So after the play, we went to starbucks for a chit-chat over coffee, it was a chit-chat for me since they were all conversing in english, hehehe. Then later, Tey and Suburn invited me to pig-out at Something Fishy in Eastwood, a resto that serves eat-all-you can buffet. So yeah, basically I went to eastwood on a saturday night, wearing a school uniform that barely fits me! Good thing I'm with two nice people to ease the pain, oh these two! So cool to talk to about anything especially films and music(Nanlibre pa ng food!).

CURTAIN!
So there, that was what happened last night, I really had fun; it’s really nice to take your mind off the usual things once in a while to recreate yourself again. Sad, that it's all over for the meantime, got to go back to the banging-your-head-on- -the-wall world, and do the stress-stimulating things again to survive. But I guess, that’s still ok with me, as grey said before, "It's nice to keep on banging your head on the wall sometimes, coz it feels so good when you stop,"

... Now did she really say that? I don't know, oh maybe something like that!

RANDOM THOUGHTS ON CARS OR FEET

They are all getting nearer to where they are going...
I used to be one of them...
that or the one who is running beside them, having more chances of getting on the finish line first...

Yet now, I can only be the humps along the way...
Yeah I totally blew it...

Or maybe I'm just running on a different race now...
but since I still want to be on this other race...
I feel like i'm losing both

I can't have a cake and eat it too...
But I can try...
Selfish piece of shit!

Or maybe the race hasn't even started yet...

Ok.. I'm totally losing it!

Oh well, what the fuck!

Let the games begin...
or just end it already!



HINIHINGAL NA KAHIT HINDI PA NAGSISIMULA