It’s Sunday, my rest day, my day to be absorbed by ugly betty, and my day to ponder on things that’s affecting my life right now…
Ok, so planado na ang summer ko: OJT for my journ sa hapon ng mwf, learn something from annotating in tapets sa umaga, and plan AA: accomplish some of my plans for it by this summer as well, mga ganun…
So here’s now, there’s this boring ojt that I’m not learning anything from (let’s add a “yet” for hope), the POA at tapets that I don’t know where the destination is, and AA: the people, plans, vacation, and my being too much excited on things!
I now feel so “toxic”; full of angst, anxiety, paranoia, pressure, and many many more!
The feeling is like everything is not going according to plan, or that maybe I’ve too much planned out things that it’s starting to feel like... like… like it’s too much… too much for them, for me, and for the mystical chenes (gusto ko lang siya isama, since he/she partly drives the wheel of fate, etc)!
Damn I’m thinking too much!
I need to fucking relax…
But hey, I really think that I don’t plan too much, it’s just that some adjustments have to happen, and that’s not wrong I guess, it doesn’t ruin anything, it’s just that some things don’t happen according to plan…
Well maybe I just have to get used to the fact that everything will not fall into place in a perfect pace (perfect pace, meaning my desired pace, hehehe)… I got to be ready to face the things that might happen, not happen, suddenly happen, or any other things that might happen that would either ruin or successfully construct my plans.
It is after all an inter-connected thing, a social thing where everyone is involved and would either get in the way or give way, that’s just the way it is.
Actually, I know this open-to-adjustments stuff already; it’s just that before, I’m not much of a planner that when something didn’t go well, it’s ok because I didn’t plan it that much in the first place. But now is different, I’m working on something big here already, and I’m actually planning, so It’s bothering me now when something off happens.
And that’s my analysis on the situation that just happened to me… this analysis was created in my attempt to feel better in some way…
Vague isn’t it?
But I feel a bit better now…
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
Next stop… my writing skills and the ability to create something artzy… puta nangangalawang na ko!
Feeling ko si Ugly betty na ko dahil sa kakapanood ko sakanya, or si wilhemina, hahaha! Pero please talaga to ugly betty, chaka pero may mga papa, che! Well, sabi nga ni inay, She has a big heart daw kasi... bakit? Ako din naman ha!... ay ooops, i forgot, we're talking about TV here, a machine creating escapisms and fantasies for poor and miserable people, hahahaha!
I feel dried up, I need refreshment…something that would make me feel alive and kicking…
Sa mga pagbabagong nararanasan ko, pakiramdam ko tuloy kailangan ko muli magsimula... maganda naman yun, pero parang nakakagulo din ng isipan...
Eto na ko… unting-unti ng nagsisimula ang makina sa sasakyang gagamitin sa bagong biyaheng ito… pasakay na ko… at ako na talaga ang dapat sumakay… marami pa nga lang sumisingit…
Che! Ang gulo ko!
Maybe I’ll expound nalang sa next post ko… pag napaglinay-linayan ko na!
Cge… leche!
