Cuss-in-it

I was numb and bored; in need of something to kick me back again from my senses. I tried to use cheap devices at first, but they were never enough, those things could really never be replacements for the hallow spots inside me.

And then it came again unintentionally, that device again that once brought me pleasure and pain before. I was not sure if it could still fill up the emptiness inside of me, but it looked so new and hopeful, so tempting and satisfying, it looked like it was something that would make me feel again, make me smile again...

I had no choice... I was again caught by the attention it gave me...

So I chose to consume it; focused myself into taking it piece by piece, for it was never easy getting its entirety, absorbing it slowly into my body and mind was the only best thing that I could have to get it, yes it was long, but definitely sweeter than nothing.

And then it happened, the scarcity of its availability... I started to want more of it, needing it 24/7. I became so much attached to it that consuming little by little was not enough anymore, I want to take it entirely, suck it all up inside me, I want to be one with it... I started to get addicted...

the addiction gets worse and worse as the attention it gave me also diminishes...

I realized again, I can’t have all of it, I can never have all of it, I don’t even know if I could still have it in the future again… and what sucks more is that I knew that from the start,

I hate it…

But it looked so new and hopeful, so tempting and satisfying, it looked like it was something that would make me feel again, make me smile again…

Only to realize that it happened again, like it happened before, and even before that…

I had no choice… I was again caught by the short-time attention it gave me…

I got addicted by a tiny thing it did to me...

Fuck!

There I admitted it!

Now bring me to the nearest rehab before I see it again!